I decided to do P90X this year because I knew I could handle it and it would be challenging. My body had been through so much exercise that it couldn’t sweat anymore. But doing P90X helped that I could do a great sweat. I got down to about the 2nd last week until the end and then I had to stop for personal (medical) reasons. I was so pissed off that I was almost there – almost finished after days of getting up at 5 am to do stupid downward dogs that I hated that I stopped my exercise routines completely.

Then I started hearing and seeing things in life that made me NOT want to exercise at all – well at least as intensely as I did before.

1) A friend told me that the infomercial for P90X was a little fake. They make people gain weight and then they lose it quickly. That was re-inforced again by my hubby who told me that one of the hosts from Mike and Mike show in the morning went thru the same ritual when he was asked to do Nutra System commercials.

2)It seems like A LOT of work. Weighing food, not enjoying food, exercising when you don’t want to. What type of quality of life is that?

3) I notice that a lot of people who have lost weight – celebs etc have gained it back, Joy Behar (The View), Mike from the Mike and Mike Show, Randy from American Idol, loads of people from the Biggest Loser, Oprah and my role model from Fat Ass Challenge on You Tube. And of course myself when I stopped exercising.

4) Overall, I just feel defeated. I wanted to finish my P90X goal. I’ve tried to restart it but it’s just not the same invigorated newlike feeling to it.

5) I just remember when I was going through P90X that I did feel stronger but I saw NO PHYSICAL EVIDENCE of my efforts. I look at my body and it looks as though I have NEVER exercised in my life. I work so hard consistently and when I stop it -that horrible weight just tumbles back on again.

It is just so unfair. You would think I would know my body by now and know everything that stops me from going forward. But it’s being stubborn and it feels like it is winning.

There is a small part of me that doesn’t like being defeated – actually a big part of me.

There is also a part of me that doesn’t like when I feel my clothes getting tighter.

Food/Exercise has always been such a struggle in my life and I need some type of strategy to deal with the choices of how I decide to live my life.

My body is just sooo messed up now that it has no idea what direction I am going. And the majority of this body is my brain.

Who would have thunk it? ME!! I knew I would because there is just this side of me that says “okay let’s just see what happens”.

Well honestly, I just don’t see a lot happening.

Perhaps I am too close to me to see the changes.

But I have stop taking pictures of myself because it is too depressing to still see the love handles and the protruding gutt.

Yes, I do “feel” stronger but honestly, I did P90X to “look” stronger to “look ” LEANER.

I am disappointed in my body shape and I am disappointed that I said no to so many things that I wanted to do but sacrificed for this experience. I am disappointed that I feel so tired when I should feel invigorated.

But I guess, because I always try to look at the bright side. I am happy that God has provided me with a body that works well despite it’s flaws. I am happy that I am not disabled and have many freedoms that I noticed that those with disabilities do not. I am grateful sometimes for my life long pouch because it reminds me how blessed I am with food in my belly when other (including my ancestors who I grow much strength from) did not.

So for this and only this, I am glad for the experience. I will continue for the next 4 weeks, take a long week off and then jump on the Lean program. I don’t give up I just take breaks.

Wish me luck.

I just completed week 6. I can’t believe I am still doing P90X with all the vim and vigor of week 1.

I must say, I was feeling a little more reluctant than usual because I was going away to New York a little mini vacation. Who wants to exercise on vacation?

But I did it and actually doubled up on my exercises today. It was a strategy so that I could have 2 days off. I need the rest.

I did eat a little out of control while I was away, had a slice of pizza (gotta have that when  you are in NY) and had some candy. But I didn’t have the usual hot dog or pretzel even though I was DYING for some but I did indulge in a dessert. It had fruit on it but I didn’t eat the whole thing.

I am little worried though because I am in the justification stage or my journey. I always get there sometime somewhere where the old me starts peeking through. The one with the excuses, the one with the justifications. I am looking for support online, blogging more, looking at fitness magazines but when the alarm goes off in the morning, I am lacking the jumping out of bed feeling to work it out.

But I will just continue to press play and just take it one day at a time. I am a perfectionist so that;s what keeps me not missing a day.

Wish me luck.

But I just went through the paces of the Program. Really mixed it up a bit so that I was doing more of the weights at the beginning of the week when I had them available either at home or at the Hilton Garden Inn – thank you. And then all the cardio -ab ripper stuff at the end of the week.

Was planning on just chillin today to give myself a break but just knowing that I’d have to wake up to do Yoga X. I said at 7:30pm – lemme just get it over and done with. I hate it but the chair really does help. My wrist dont’ hurt as much, I’m sweating more. It’s exactly the kind of exercise I should be doing more of because it works me all over. I wish it just wasn’t 1.5 hrs though. That’s a lot of time out of my weekend. I’ve decided to researve Yoga X for the weekend so I won’t lose out on sleep during the week and that works for me. I am trying to adjust P90X for my lifestyle and so far so good.

Keep wishing me luck!

I guess I musta lost count of the days.

This is my rest day and my last day of week 4 so wouldn’t that be Day 28 if I haven’t missed a day of P90X?

Where did the days go?

So here is how I feel.

Kudos to me.

1) I got up every morning and in partnership with the sun, I rose and worked out each day starting at 5:30am. I don’t normally wake up that early only to catch planes in a coma-toast state.

2) I BROUGHT it every day.

3) I kept track every day where there were weights involved.

4) I committed to the process

5) I adjusted so that I didn’t kill myself or my back.

6) I looked for support and got it and of course in Spa chick style – gave support.

7) I got more flexible by the 4th week of Yoga X. I can do the pretzel twist.

I pampered myself at least 2 x during the process with massage.

9) I ate well every day and when I didn’t made up for it the next day. Most importantly – I didn’t beat myself up. Took vitamins every day.

10) I added extra exercise to my repertoire.

My goals for next month

1) Get more rest

Hmmm let me get started now.

Good night it’s 12:14am

Wish me luck on Phase 2 – Week 5 of P90X. I love it.

I’m able to do that pretzel move now where you reach under your leg and hold your hand.

So it’s starting to come together.

I’m really seeing if not strength then increased flexibility!

Wish me luck.

Bring on Week 5.

I need to sweat.

I need to pump iron.

My rings are feeling looser. Yippee.

I must be losing inches and redefining.

5 days until my next pix.

This P90 Yoga.

I swear, here I am thinking that I am getting stronger and I’m getting weaker.

Emotionally it’s a let down because I bring on the sweat on the other days.

I know I can’t sweat it up all the time because I have to stretch my muscles but geez, I want to feel as though I am getting stronger. I’m not there yet.

I will continue to keep “pressing play” because I am not the expert.

Tomorrow = Core. Have never done this so….

Wish me luck!

PS: I am so proud of myself today. At this hotel a delicious (looking) chocolate bar was waiting for me. I asked if I could switch it for something more nutritious. And yunno, they let me do it!

I was going to rest today and do Legs and Back tomorrow (Sunday), but it was 5:30am and I was up so I said hell why not. I was also planning on going on a walk to visit the Washington, DC embassies so what kinda break was that going to be. So I said, let’s make it a Power Day. Then I can rest all day on Sunday and plan for me week.

I’ve gotta think of something different for lunch this week. It is my “recovery week or whatever they call it. All I know is I have to do yoga not just once but twice – yuck!!! I absolutely have no strength in my arms – yet.

So wish me luck!

I also did Kempo X. I did the exercises but not to the normal vim and vigor that I normally do. Tomorrow is my rest day (I think). If I feel like it, I may do the legs and back so I can take Sunday off. We’ll see.

Wish me luck!